Let me tell you girls and boys,

About a man who makes lots of noise.

To get you to buy he’ll scream and shout,

But before you do just hear me out.

Ask about his fruit that smells like poo,

And he’ll just holler and curse at you.

Buy his evil wares and take them back,

The fruit’s all rotten, it’s total cack.

So if you hear him run as fast as you can,

Away from the Bastard Durian Man.

Based on a true story.